My Introverted Life in the Goldfish Bowl of a Waiting Room

Four years of human nature training. That's what I call it. 

I have learned more about human nature in the four years of doing this job as a Medical Receptionist than I learned anywhere else.

I was trained by one of the best in the industry and I'm pretty confident when I say that, even though I don't know any other medical receptionist trainers. She is someone with such a knowledge of people and human behaviour that after I interviewed for the job and was successful, I asked her why she knew I'd be good for the role, because I literally had nothing going for me unless 20 years as a stay at home mum or a school hockey club secretary counted. Her reply: "I liked you." Coming from someone who has a radar like a policeman, was and still is, one of the best compliments I've ever received. My husband Rob is like this too and I always put it down to his experience as a probation officer and the work he does with convicted criminals. You get to see the worst and the best of humanity, and being in a medical centre is not dissimilar. Over the years, you develop an intuition about people and between the lady who trained me and my husband, I'm yet to see them get it wrong. 

Being a medical receptionist is the kind of job where you have to be a people person if you want to be good at your job. Now, I would have said I was the kind of people person described by Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice: 

I am introverted. I love my space and the quiet for internal, personal reflection. I hate being put on the spot for my opinion or thoughts. I hate being asked questions without preparation. I'm not good at small talk - I abhor it. I hate the telephone and I hate being around people all day long and I hate being on 'show' - like a goldfish in a goldfish bowl. All of these qualities are not suitable for a medical receptionist. Every day, every encounter with a patient is a question, or someone wanting something from me. Small talk is the lifeblood of a doctor's waiting room, "How are you today, Mr P," "isn't it a beautiful day outside?" or "when is the rain going to stop," or "I love your beautiful cardigan, Mrs S," all day long, and the telephone! I have never liked talking on the phone. My friends know this about me, because I never call. The phone is a huge part of being a receptionist and in a doctor's surgery it literally never stops. I had to jump in the deep end on this one when I first started the job. I was terrified of the phone and I hated it, "just suck it up Rachel and deal with it." Four years down the track, I still don't like the phone, but at least I usually have the answers now for any caller or know who to pass it on to if I don't.

My office is in the middle of the waiting room, and it does feel like a goldfish bowl some days and I get comments on my clothes or jewellery which I don't mind, or old men telling me I "look great in those pants" which I do mind.

In spite of all of these things not fitting with my introverted nature, I find that this is one of the most interesting jobs I have ever had and that it suits my personality. I used to think being a nurse aid when I was 17 at a convalescent hospital for geriatrics was one of the most interesting jobs I'd done, but this one tops that even, probably because it's less physically demanding work. 

I had reason to think about this lately when considering my job after one of our patients in their late 80s said to me randomly as they were leaving the other day, "don't you ever leave this place." They meant it as a compliment and I took it as one, ("I won't if you won't," I replied cheekily), but because of the introverted, reflective thinker I am, I had to think through why they said that to me. What was it about me, an introverted, melancholic, suspicious minded, hater of telephones and crowds, that made them say that?

I'm interested in people. I am a people person. I can't believe I'm admitting that, but it's true.  I'm interested in their lives and who they are and what makes them tick. 

After four years of doing this job I have realised that to be an effective receptionist in a community practice, you have to be a people person. The job is managing people all day long and sometimes this takes a delicate balance, especially when it comes to people's health and medical needs, so knowing the patients, knowing who they are and their story, is an important, if not vital part of this job. 

But what is a people person? I've had plenty of extroverts tell me that they are a people person, but they wouldn't know the first thing about getting past that superficial layer of social niceties and conversations. Their idea of being a people person is being around people, but it's for themselves, not for that person, and if you're like that in this job, you'll just end up pissing people off.

So what makes a genuine people person? I think it doesn't matter if you consider yourself an extrovert or an introvert, what matters is genuinely caring about another person, and being interested in them. The superficiality of relationship is more than just a 'hi, how are you?' "How was your day?" "Have a great day!" in a loud voice with a big smile (shudder).

A genuine people person will take the time to get to know you, who you are, what makes you tick, will remember your story. Always - it's not about me, it's about you. 

It's knowing, in my job, when a person walks in the door, what to talk about with them, be it their Christmas plans, their house being built, their grandchildren, their kid's first day at school, or the new job they started recently, or whether to actually just leave them alone in silence. It's knowing how unwell they are that day, because they're not their usual self.

I like working in a practice in my own community. I like running into our patients at the grocery store and passing the time of day or waving out on the street when I'm out walking my dog around the neighbourhood. It makes me feel a sense of belonging in this community, and I think it helps them too when they come to the doctor to have a familiar face and voice, someone who cares about them, even if it is just the receptionist, especially when they're not well and needing care. 

It's a job I love and care about and I've been so grateful for the education in humanity that it has given me. 

Republic vs. The Crown

No other country in the world does ceremony like the British.  As we've seen recently with the funeral of Queen Elizabeth II, the formalities surrounding this was spectacular, moving and sobering, fitting for a state funeral and reflected the sadness and grief of the nation. 

This week it was announced that next May, 2023 we will have another ceremony in the state occasion of crowning the new King and Queen in a happier event, so more uniformed soldiers, gold coaches, spectacular music and clothes and crowns to look forward to.

I personally love that our own country of New Zealand is linked with the Crown, especially when the jewels and music and parades are brought out - it's a wonderful link with a rich and interesting history, and it truly would be a shame to do away with the hundreds of years of tradition, even though we think of ourselves as so 'modern' now and don't need this. It's true, we don't have to parade our Kings through the streets on horseback as they might have done in medieval times in a display that served as both an introduction and assertion of power in a time when Kings held political power. We no longer have to go to battle to the death for our Kings to sit on the throne, but by committing to a formal ceremony we are not only reminding the realms of the importance of the Crown, but the validity they give to our democracy. 

The Westminster democracy that our country's political system runs on, is one of the best in my opinion. 

My reason for this thinking is because republics - even with checks and balances in place still gives room for power-hungry people to jostle for position and it attracts people who want power, leaving it wide open for corruption and difficult for anyone who does not have huge wealth. Historically, republics tend to eventually descend into chaos and implode. The Roman Empire gives us an example of this. Ambitious men hungry for power began to not care about the rules and the laws, putting themselves forward as saviours, making up the rules, mocking the democratic processes and democracy descends into autocracy. 

Imagine if we were adopting such a republic system in New Zealand. Our current Prime minister Jacinda Ardern would be President Ardern. There would be no Governor General. In actual fact, New Zealand operates from the best of this system, because of our distance from the UK, the neutralness of the Royal Family and their non-political stance which makes them figureheads rather than rulers, and we function fairly independently and on our own anyway. I get irritated with people who argue that we need to become a republic because we need to grow up as a country. Grow up to be what?  

As a student of Sociology and a student of Forensic Psychology, I hope to channel my education and ultimately research into this area of power - and explore the science behind power and why certain people seek powerful positions. I can tell you that I have learned that all world leaders need to have a degree of narcissism - or a kinder way of putting it would be - self-belief confidence - to become a leader of a nation, be that a President or a Prime minister. On the psychopathy scale (which is different from narcissism), the top 4 historic leaders with strong psychopathic traits included King Henry VIII and Adolf Hitler. No surprises there perhaps. We also looked at the last fifty years of American leaders which was more a matter of who didn't have psychopathic traits than who did. While it sounds terrible to have psychopathic traits, it's actually not all bad. Some psychopathic traits can be beneficial in certain circumstances and an advantage to a nation who needs someone confident enough to make difficult and sometimes quick decisions.

The Westminster system works as a true democracy because no ruler - neither the Prime minister nor the Sovereign can have total power. One yields to the other and the Royal Family exist only at the consent of the people, for the people as our late Queen Elizabeth II said, 

“I have in sincerity pledged myself to your service, as so many of you are pledged to mine. Throughout all my life, and with all my heart, I shall strive to be worthy of your trust.” - Speech on her Coronation Day, June 2, 1953.

The position of Sovereign is inherited, which means the baton of power in the Crown is not sought by personal ambition, unless you're a malevolent second son; however, if second sons yearn for the power of the Crown - and we have seen a few famous second sons - Henry VIII was a second son, Prince Andrew, Prince Harry, they can only take the crown through a family tragedy or a dastardly deed. It has been done in history before (not by Henry VIII though, his was due to his brother's untimely death through illness) - and sometimes second sons are the ones who don't want the crown and end up with it - as the Queen's father did. 

But regardless of these reasons listed above, the main reason I think New Zealand needs to stay with the British Crown and the Westminster style of democracy is because of the Treaty of Waitangi (Te Tiriti o Waitangi).

The Treaty of Waitangi is unique to New Zealand and Great Britain and though its history is long and complicated, it was signed in 1840 between some Maori iwi (tribes) and the British Government representing the Crown (Queen Victoria at the time). 

There are legal disputes over the language used in the treaty which I won't get into here, but because of our agreement with Great Britain and the Crown, the Treaty of Waitangi protects Maori. If we do away with the Crown and our legal obligations under the Treaty of Waitangi, what becomes of those safety nets for Maori? In 1995 Queen Elizabeth II apologised to Maori for the injustices done to Maori after the Treaty was signed, among those land confiscations which has had a significant detrimental impact on the wellbeing of Maori, because they were displaced and lost their way of life. 

What followed after this apology were financial settlements from the Crown towards Maori iwi and is ongoing today as Maori still dispute many of the historic injustices. There is recognition that the Treaty of Waitangi was used against Maori, but there is also acknowledgement now that the Treaty obligations can be honoured, must be honoured. Maori strive to always remind the New Zealand government of this. The Treaty is sometimes an 'inconvenience' to government, but because of that sacred pact between Maori and the British Crown, it must be adhered to. It is a unique agreement and I believe safeguards Maori against exploitation, further oppression and racism. 

To do away with the Treaty would mean one of two things: either the newly formed presidential government would have to give Maori what they want - full sovereignty and the authority to govern themselves or they would have to enter the Treaty of Waitangi into the new constitution and this could be tied up for years in debates and Maori would need (have) to be key players in all decisions.

I recognise that Maori ideally would like their sovereignty back, and in an ideal world this would be my preference, but I don't trust people in power to stay altruistic and the Treaty of Waitangi under the Crown, gives us a safety net. 

Book Club - Mudlarking

 This has to be one of my most favourite non-fiction books. I'm in love with it

Mudlarking - Lost and Found on the River Thames by Lara Maiklem.

I actually stumbled upon the activity of Mudlarking while idling watching YouTube history channels one lazy afternoon. I have always loved English history, not the least because some of my DNA hails from old Blighty, but also because the history is so ancient.

Mudlarking, it turns out, is an old London profession - the kind of thing you did if you were desperately trying to avoid the poorhouse or the debtors prison. People waded deep into the mud of the Thames river to find treasures that might hold value and could be sold. Things like copper plates from the bottom of ships or old coins. Nowadays, it is a hobby for some people. There are entire YouTube channels dedicated to the finds that Mudlarkers discover in the mud on the sides of the river Thames in London.

But this book is one of my favourite books because Lara Maiklem takes you on an intimate journey with the Thames, and I love her writing style. The Thames is a whole ecological sanctuary in the heart of one of the world's busiest cities, with diverse birdlife, riverboat activities and people whose lives intertwine with the rise and fall of the tide.

Lara not just introduces us to the river, but also to the people who mudlark - a diverse and interesting bunch, but also to the people of the city who lived here a hundred years ago, or five hundred years ago, or a thousand years ago and the fragments of their lives that were cast or lost in the river, only to resurface again years later. Lara brings their stories and their personalities alive.

I love this book. It's a treasure.

Listen to me read the first 5 minutes of the opening chapter.

Tinyordinarydays · Mudlarking

For an introduction to Mudlarking, watch Lara talk about it here.