I am writing this on All Hallows Eve. Tomorrow is All Saints Day. My birthday.
It's about to burst into flower on my 50th birthday.
When I was a child, my dear grandmother would always sign my birthday cards with "Many Happy Returns," which means I hope you have many more happy birthdays.
Well, Grandma, I'm now at my 50th happy return.
There are times in a life where words are not adequate. I have thought over for many weeks what I wanted to write for this occasion in my life and it fails me. How do you fit 50 years into a single blog post? You can't.
As William Wordsworth, the poet said, "Thoughts that do often lie too deep for tears," my heart is one of gratitude for all that has passed, for God who has strengthened me, who gave me guidance and gave me purpose.
Wordsworth says it best for me when words fail me.
A childhood friend once described me as 'gentle.' My sister once said I was 'without guile.' I like to think I still retain some of that old me. I like to think it was those attributes that helped me fight a great evil over the past ten years. That was a job I had to do - but was it my calling in life? No, I don't believe it was my only calling and purpose in life. I hope not. I hope that even though I'm fifty I can still hold dreams and ambitions.
What is happening for me in my life right now, in this year of 2021.
I have two adult children and two children still at school. They all still need me, though the needs are different to when they were small. I'm about to celebrate my 24th wedding anniversary. A marriage which has been tested by trouble and strengthened by faith.
I am about to go into my second year of studying towards a Bachelor of Social Science at Waikato University. My interests are leaning towards Maori studies and Forensic Psychology (studying the criminal mind), but I had a slight diversion into climate change science which surprised me in how much I enjoyed it. I also love research. I am doing well in my grades, which always surprises me, considering how I did at school when I was younger. I enjoy the discipline of academic writing-so different from creative writing.
I work as a Receptionist in a local medical centre, and after years and years of not working outside the home, I am loving the relationships, work dynamics and learning I am doing there in a place which supports a healthy work/life balance and furthering my education, and is a superb environment for learning human behaviour.
I have discovered the joys of nature journalling and watercolour.
I have a small house with a beautiful garden which brings me joy every day.
My little children's book is still a popular kiwi book.
I want to learn more about the Hebrew natural calendar and live more by the cycles of nature, rather than our Gregorian calendar. This includes learning about the moon, the sun, the solstices, the constellations, the seasons. It's a fascinating subject and one I've been researching for awhile now, peaked by my son's love of astronomy and the Maori meanings behind Matariki.
Some years ago, I found the poem Love After Love, by Derek Walcott, which is my favourite poem. I post it here as a kind of beacon for me going forward.
My symphony for the future is simple.
To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion; to be worthy, not respectable, and wealthy, not rich; to listen to stars and birds, babes and sages, with open heart; to study hard; to think quietly, act frankly, talk gently, await occasions, hurry never; in a word, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common — this is my symphony. (William Channing).
Finally, I finish with a hymn that has been on my mind for the last month or so leading up to my birthday.
The words mean a lot to me because my relationship with God has changed so much and I have learned so much of His character. This is my favourite version of this hymn. I've been playing it loudly over the speaker first thing in the morning when I get to work. I hope you enjoy it too.
